“So, Teri’s been suspended?” Julia Sensabaugh said, basically filling the gap between the last episode and this one.
“Yep,” Carrie said, taking a bite of her generic school lunch. “We made the recommendation, and Principal Schwartz followed it. He seems to care about doing the right thing.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?”
Carrie shrugged. “The Council didn’t think so. I think it just seems harsh because we’ve tolerated this type of ignorant behavior so long that when we respond to it appropriately it seems harsh by comparison.”
“Well, I wasn’t there, so I don’t know exactly what happened, but I trust the Council to make the right decision,” Lucy said, also sitting there eating lunch, since it seemed necessary to include a central character to connect the spin-off to the main plot, in that there is any main plot. “At the very least, I’m happy that we have a movement dedicated to addressing this problem. It’s been festering beneath the surface for far too long.”
“Hello, ladies,” Dan Johnson, a chubby new character, said in a manner that really was less douchey than you’d expect from someone using that exact phrase. “May I sit here?”
Lucy sighed. “Sure, Dan, go ahead.”
“So, how it’s going today, ladies?” Dan said, apparently believing that if you say ladies enough times, you magically transform into a ‘70s porn star.
“It’s going like a day, Daniel,” Lucy said, unsure if Dan’s name was actually Daniel, but also not caring. “How’s it going with you?”
“Oh, you know, you know. Same old, same old. Players got to play. That’s the thing about dating when fat. Beth knows what I mean. When you’re a little chubbier, your game has got to be on fleek,” he said, because that’s what I assume kids say, and I wanted something that sounds incredibly stupid. “I’m pretty much at the point where I just walk up and say ‘hey, ladies, who’s angry at their father and insecure enough to fuck this whale?’ Fifty percent of the time, it works every time.”
“That’s…really gross, Dan,” Lucy said.
“Haha, the beautiful Lucy Fontaine, breaking my balls.”
“Yeah, you know, maybe don’t focus on her looks,” Carrie said. “That’s a little outdated. If you want to complement Lucy, find something else. Maybe her wit, or personality. A woman’s more than just a face.”
“Okay, okay, fair enough. Ladies, this is my friend Lucy. She isn’t sexy or beautiful, but she has other traits. How’s that?” Dan said, laughing jovially like a holly jolly idiot. “Not woke enough? This is my friend Lucy. She’s smart, witty, and looks like a fucking troll.”
Lucy smirked, but valiantly managed to fight the laugh so as not to reinforce Dan’s behavior, while Beth gritted her teeth. “Well, I guess I should be going,” Dan said conveniently, standing up and exiting the scene.
“Ugh, what a pig,” Beth said as soon as she thought Dan was out of earshot. “He’s so fat and gross.”
“I know,” Lucy said, kind of giggling. “I can’t believe he thinks of himself as a ladies’ man. At least he knows he’s a whale.”
“It’s not really fair to make fun of him for being fat and awkward. You realize that makes us the bad guys in all this, right?” Julia said.
Beth and Lucy paused, before Lucy responded, “Julia, I understand what you’re saying and I agree, but I don’t like it, so I’m going to ignore it.”
“Fair enough. It is fun to make fun of that fat loser.”
“Julia has a point, though,” Carrie said. “The way he acts is pretty sexist. Maybe we ought to do something about him.”
“She’s right,” Beth said quickly, jumping in. “It’s not fair of him to mansplain fat dating to me.”
“Nah, he’s harmless,” Julia said. “He’s not sexist. It’s just the way he talks.”
“It’s the way he talks because he’s a horrible sexist,” Carrie said.
“Yeah, but he’s a good person. It’s not like he harasses or molests anyone.”
“Not harassing or molesting anyone isn’t enough to make you a good person. It’s a bare minimum. It’s a condition necessary but not sufficient.”
“I agree,” Beth said. “He’s always man-spreading his fat ass all over the place. And body-shaming. It’s man-sgusting.”
“Alright, well, now you just sound like Frida Waterfall,” Julia said.
“Beth may be overdoing it on the man-labeling, but she has a point,” Carrie said. “He was pretty blatantly hitting on Lucy.”
“Having that fat pig call me beautiful was pretty creepy.”
“Right. Women have a right to eat lunch without being hit on. That behavior is inappropriate. I think it’s time to refer this to the Council.”