It’s Not Okay to Poop

June 7, 2017

Hey there, now kid, let me explain to thee

Some things that go on in all bodies.

You know how you eat when you grow hungry?

Well, that food it travels into your tummy

Where acid turns the food into goop.

Nutrients get absorbed, the rest become poop.

And that poop all has to go somewhere,

So it comes out the hole that we all have down there.

You see it’s natural and fine.

In fact you must poop to stay alive.

What’s that, kid, you say I digress?

You asked why I’m pooping on your mommy’s chest?

You know how sometimes moms and dads kiss

To show love, well, it’s sort of like this.

Sometimes that kiss becomes something more

That we call sex, but sometimes sex is a bore

So adults try something to spice things up

Like play with the butt or peeing in cups.

That’s what was going on when you walked through the door.

Mommy and I just wanted to explore.

You’ll learn someday, it’s often surprising

What you’ll find that you like when you push your horizons.

Pooping on people has many fans.

It has a long history. It’s from the Germans.

They thought licking ass would be lots of fun.

It’s certainly not the worst thing they’ve done.

I hope that this all answers your question,

And gives you a preliminary lesson.

What’s that? Now you want to know why mom’s bound and gagged?

Why her hands are tied and her mouth stuffed with a rag?

There’s another fetish that enjoys quite the fandom

With whips and chains, it’s called BDSM.

People torture each other for fun

With nipple clamps and whacks on the buns,

That’s not what this is, it’s not by design.

It’s a plan I came up with while short on time.

You see, mommy and I were planning on fucking.

I’d just whipped out my dick for some sucking,

And was hovering over mommy with a spread brown eye

When with my other eye, oh yes I did spy

A familiar car pull into the driveway

Which shouldn’t have happened at this time of day.

Then your daddy burst through the door

Which is why daddy’s now on the floor.

We tried to tell daddy that he should calm down,

Instead daddy decided that he would shout.

He turned down our offer of menages a trois,

Which is why in the end he got hit with a vase.

It rhymes if you pronounce vase in a manner pretentious.

Close enough, kid, shut up, you don’t seem to get this.

While your daddy lie in a pool of his blood,

Your mommy screamed “look what you’ve done!”

She wanted to get help, but I can’t go to prison

So in the moment I made a decision

Which is why mommy’s tied up and I’m holding this gun,

It’s out of necessity, it isn’t for fun,

Though for some reason I still have a boner,

Don’t worry, kid, this soon will be over.

The lesson from this rhyme, unless you’re a dupe,

It’s clear, it isn’t okay to poop,

But I have one more rhyme, kid, so don’t cry,

Another lesson, it’s called someday we all die.

Your Parents’ Divorce and Why It’s Your Fault

April 25, 2017

You know daddy’s leaving and that makes you sad

And mommy keeps drinking and you know that is bad.

And now you’re confused and you want to know why

Daddy says mean things that make mommy cry.

Let me explain something that’s sad but it’s true.

All of this started because of you.

They wanted a kid to love and to hold

And to watch as he grew up and got older.

Instead they got you, you’re clearly defective.

What’s that? You’re too young to know what I mean by defective?

It means you smell bad, you’re ugly and dumb.

You clearly weren’t the cream of your daddy’s cum.

They wanted a kid of whom they’d be proud,

Of whom they could brag of out loud.

Instead they got you, a kid who is lame

So everywhere they go, their heads hang in shame.

And so now your daddy is going away,

And though he’ll tell you he wishes to stay,

It’s a lie and I know that you know that it’s true.

You know that he wants to get rid of you.

Your mom will now raise you, it’s just you and her,

And the gentlemen callers who walk through the door.

They’re more important, she’s lonely and you know you don’t count,

But before you sit in the corner and pout,

It’s not all bad, day to day it might suck,

As mommy ignores you for the guys that she fucks.

She has to do something to break from the stress

Caused by being a single mom after you started this mess,

And you’ll never see daddy, he’s gone like the wind,

But you’re now a competition that they’re trying to win.

So when he does see you he’ll try to buy love.

He’ll give you anything, as long as it’s stuff.

As a kid you’ll have plenty to do.

You’ll have everything except for a dad who loves you.

And mommy, well, she’s just given up.

She won’t pay attention, so do what you want.

You’ll quickly be the most popular kid in school

As kids learn to use you to do whatever they want to do.

They’ll use your basement for drinking and making out

Because your mom doesn’t notice, she’s out and about.

And though none of them will actually care about you,

Why should they?  It’s not like your parents do.

You’ll always have someone to occupy time,

And to pin it on when you’re caught in a crime.

So forget about love, kid, just live it up,

And look for what you’re missing in material stuff,

Just remember that for you, when you’re looking for love,

It won’t come in the form of hugs, but in drugs.