The Night Before Christmas

December 25, 2014

Twas the night before Christmas, and as he walked through the house

Their daddy was stumbling, he was totally sauced.

He stopped as he looked at the stockings with a sad, longing stare,

And declared “I’ve no money for presents, I spent it on beer”

Little Kimmy looked up with her wide, doeful eyes

And smiled as she said, “Don’t worry you guys,”

“Santa will help us, that man so jolly and fat,”

Her daddy laughed, “Santa, kid? Yeah let’s count on that.”

When suddenly down the chimney came quite a clatter

There appeared a man who looked like Santa but fatter

He came with his bag, his reindeer, his whole goddamn sleigh,

And asked “Where’s Timmy?  That kid who is gay,”

“I’m not gay,” said Timmy, with his gay little leer.

“Yes you are, kid, get over it queer.”

Kimmy asked, “Santa, since when do you suck?”

“Santa? I ain’t Santa, that fat jolly fuck,”

“I’m Sado, his brother, I whipped his ass in a brawl”

“And stole all his presents, uh, to give to you all,”

“A machine gun for Timmy, for to shoot up his school,”

“And marijuana for Kimmy, so kids will think she is cool,”

Kimmy tugged at his coattails, and said “We just want mommy back”

“Well you can’t have her kid, she’s fucking some guy who is black,”

“You’re better off anyway, without that dumb twat,”

“Timmy and Kimmy?  What the fuck’s up with that?”

“But I’m not finished,” Sado said, reaching in his bag with a shout

“I brought some whiskey for daddy, I heard he is out”

“Don’t give him that,” pleaded Kimmy, looking up from the floor,

“If he drinks too much whiskey, he’ll beat us for sure.”

“That sounds like your problem,” she heard Sado say,

“But I’ve got something for that,” as he reached in his sleigh.

He grabbed a tire iron, which he gave to Kimmy

And said, “When he comes in your room, and smells of whiskey,”

“Just take this and smack him in the jaw”

“Then go to the basement, and get his buzz saw,”

“Cut him to pieces of manageable size”

“Then take a bathtub, and fill it with lye”

“Dissolve him all up into dead daddy goop”

“Then flush him down the toilet, like you do with your poop”

“I don’t want to kill daddy, or shoot up my school,”

“Yeah, I don’t want to do drugs, I don’t think they are cool,”

“Stop being spoiled, ungrateful brats,”

“You’ll kill your classmates, and you’ll start smoking grass,”

“And while you’re in jail, getting pounded by a large man named rabbit,”

“You’ll be on your back, supporting your habit,”

“I don’t want to be a whore,” said Kimmy, in her sweet little voice,

Sado laughed, “Once you meet your pimp, you won’t have a choice,”

“I have to go,” said Sado, and as he turned back to his sleigh,

A new kid, a toddler, tugged his pants in his cute little way,

“Sado, is it my fault that our mommy left?”

“I don’t know.  Yeah, probably,” Sado said, as he adjusted his vest.

Kimmy said, “But all we want for Christmas is some old family joy,”

“We don’t want candy, presents or toys,”

“Presents and toys are the same thing, you dumb little shit,”

Sado said, “And besides happiness isn’t for kids.”

“Happiness is something that you steal from a store,”

“Or in the time that you buy from a whore.”

“Being happy on Christmas is only a crock,”

“Your mother found happiness in a black person’s cock”

“Your father finds it in a bottle of whiskey,”

“So find what works for you, but it’s surely a felony,”

Timmy started to cry, like a gay little bitch,

Sado rolled his eyes, and gave his nuts a quick itch

He went up the chimney, and was gone in a flash,

Shouting “Merry Christmas to all, you can all kiss my ass.”


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